Along Came Holly…

Dear Deer,

I’m very sorry about the fateful (and fatal) way we met on Friday night past.  I did not want to smash into you with my SUV, but you really left me no choice.  Standing in the opposite lane in the pitch black on M-55 at 10pm was a poor choice on your part, I must point out.

In my history, you are the first deer I have hit and killed.  I know this must be surprising to you given that I was born and raised in Michigan and I have driven here all my life.  Killing a deer seems to be a right of passage in the Wolverine State, and apparently, I’m quite delayed in joining this destructive club.

You should know that I was very upset and bothered by this experience.  After Ben reprimanded me for hitting you and screaming (a mistake on his part since he did not see the accident because he was online..yes, I know, you can do that in a car now!), I broke down and sobbed about the life I took.  Seriously.  I could not even get out and look at the damage you did, nor could I affirm that you were indeed dead on the side of the road.  Ben took care of these details for me.

You left a permanent mark on my Equinox, marks that will take $3600 to repair.  You also left several tufts of hair stuck in broken parts of my car, little reminders of the suicide you committed a week ago.  I’m happy to say I have insurance, so my portion of this bill will be markedly less.  The car is getting fixed tomorrow so I do not have to relive the incident again and again when I see the multiple broken parts scattered across the front of my car.

I hope you are resting comfortably in a happier place or rejoining your relatives who have also passed before you.  As for myself, I will be watching the roads with more vigilance and living without my car for the next 4-7 days.

Rest in peace,
Holly

I love days like today, it felt like summer.  Not warm and balmy like summer, but like summer in that the day was mine to do what I needed to do, on my schedule.  My life without work, it’s a beautiful thing.

When I woke up this morning, the sun was beaming in my bedroom window, the animals were snoozing along with me, and the day felt ripe for accomplishment.  I had taken the day off from school for a dentist appointment, but since that would be a short commitment, I began my mental list.  I love days like today, because even as I made my list, I knew I would get everything on it accomplished.  So sweet.

I got up and got ready–the dentist/errands were Task #1.  Nothing surprising there–floss more, take my gums seriously–and off on my errands.  Got my fake bake on, new tags for Bailey at animal control, bank stop, and home to walk the pooch.  After a refreshing stroll around the neighborhood, Task #2 was at hand: grad classes.  I FINISHED THEM!  Can I hear a hout-hout?!  They are done and in the mail tomorrow.  What a relief!

Next, Task #3: get my clothes ready for vacation.  I’m spending the weekend with my parents, so packing and getting laundry done for my trip to Vegas is now a this-week task.  The last load is in the dryer, bouya.

Task#4 was to create a dessert.  I made chocolate chip cookies this weekend, but it didn’t quite quench my sweet tooth.  I had a hankering for something with peanut butter, but Ben has been craving my chocolate zucchini bundt cake for a week, and since I was feeling so summery today, I went for it.  As soon as Chuck is over, I am digging into a piece.

Task #5:  rake out the front landscaping.  Twenty minutes of hard work battling ivy with plastic rake tines paid off–I got the nasty leaves from the fall out of the way for my daffodils and irises to rise toward the sun.  (amazing imagery, eh?)

Final task of the day: relax and watch some TV with my hubby.  We’ve got Dexter and Chuck under our belts, wrapping up with some more Dexter and some tasty cake.

I love days like today, it felt like summer.

I hate this time of year.  The time when everyone wants change, but it just won’t come fast enough?  Yeah, we’re ready for a break at school, ready for the snow and mud to disappear and green grass and plants to take its place, ready for warm weather and a new wardrobe of clothes.  I’m terrible at waiting–I have patience until the cows come home with small children, but I am hardly patient when it comes to change.  I want it done with already.

I’m also tired of doom and gloom.  I want change here too, and I’m hoping it will come with the rebirth of life associated with spring.  Again this week, my poor friends.  One lost a baby at 37 weeks–I can’t even comment on this one.  Too close to home.  Another found out her youngest brother has cancer, again.  And yet another was to be married in August, only to have her fiance break it off, no warning.  We’re not talking about little things–they’re huge, life-altering situations.  None of this is happening to me, but I can’t help but empathize with these people.  I feel an overwhelming predisposition to sadness these days, it seems everytime I turn around, the prescription for folks is more trying times and dreams flushed down the toilet.  When is it going to end?

I’m beginning to think that maybe I’ve really lived a sheltered life.  This past year has really opened my eyes to the hard times and strife that exist in the world.  I don’t know if it’s just because I’m getting older and naturally, people get sicker, or is it that I care too much about others and get wrapped up in their lives, or is it that I’ve had my head so far up my ass with my own woes that I’ve just blocked out all of these things going on around me?

I’m ready to blog about happier times.  I’m tired of having nothing to talk about but my own hopelessness with how life is panning out for myself and my friends.  I’m hoping in my case and those of my friends that times are about to change, that we are going to turn a corner and finally see some things go our way.  Maybe work will stabilize, maybe kids will be in our future, maybe we will be able to sell our house and finally begin to really think about building a new one.  The one inch plants poking out of my woodchips and buds on my bushes give me the faintest hope that life can spring anew and things can look again to the bright side.  If only I could get there faster.

It has been months since I cared about blogging and I was honestly ready to tell Ben to bury this thing, but I have had a sudden renewed interest in blogging.  It’s like edited journal writing and since I can type faster than I can write, it is a perfect medium.

After my less-than-inspiring post earlier this week, I can say that the week did not end as bleak as it was Wednesday night.  Today, I was able to savor a small victory at work.  A student who joined my class this year as a second year student will be repeating the year with me again next year.  The little guy is a sweet kid, but he needs another year academically, socially, and emotionally.  Parents really freak when you talk about holding kids back, so it is a very touchy subject to approach parents with, but his parents took it in stride and we are all in agreement about his plans for next year.  One less kid I have to lie in bed at night and worry about whether or not I am doing the right thing with.

Now, if I could only wave a magic wand and have my grad classes suddenly appear done, I could be more enthusiastic about the next several weeks.  For whatever reason, my grad classes are like an albatross around my neck this time.  The elephant in the room.  I really underestimated the toll of taking 6 credit hours in the next 8 weeks would have on my existance.  It is a more massive, time-consuming undertaking than I realized.  I’m in it now and have no choice but to get it done, but I resent that all of my “free time” (when I’m not working, sleeping, or doing chores) is spent typing on this laptop on topics I already know more about that the text I’m forced to read and reference.  Insert large sigh here.

And I’d like a piece of the massive snowstorm bombarding my sister and sister-in-law in VA.  I could really use a snow day.  I’m done whining now! 

I completed my first 5K run yesterday as I ran in  GVSU’s Homecoming 5K run/walk.  I knew that I would run and finish the race just based on pure determination and all my training, but I was very doubtful of how much time that would actually take.  I talked with several runners who thought I would drastically improve on my average 14 minute training mile; I was just hoping adrenaline would push me to finish the 3.1 miles in 40 minutes or slightly less.  Ben and my parents were both at the finish line and they told me my time was 36:30!  I averaged a 12:10 mile, which is much faster than I had ever run during training!  Needless to say, I was quite impressed with my time.

I have no idea how I placed in my age group or against the other runners.  We went to the pancake breakfast and I didn’t hang around for the results because we froze our butts off eating in 35-40 degree weather.  I’m pretty sure I was at the tail end of the determined individuals who were going to run the entire route because a golf cart followed me most of the course, kind-of like they were monitoring the walk/run line.  I’m just pleased I finished and I didn’t walk; I acheived my personal goals.

I plan to keep up on my running and keep running between 2-3 miles 3 days a week, basically what I have been doing since the school year has started.  Many people have asked if I plan to run in more 5K races.  I’m not sure if I am or not–my whole goal in completing a 5k was two-fold.  One, I wanted to see if I could actually do it.  Two, I wanted to try to get into running to see if I liked it.  So many women my age talk about running as part of their fitness routine, I thought I should try it out and really give it a shot.  I have found that I do enjoy it and I enjoy the challenge it often poses to me, especially when I am tired or sick.  I’m not sure I need to run more races to keep it up or to prove to others that I’m serious about keeping up with my running–all of this was to prove something to myself and rise to a challenge I wasn’t sure I could acheive.  Saturday was a huge personal victory for me–despite many events in my life that seem so out of my control, I found that I still can set goals and feel as if I have some say in how my life unfolds.

Thought I’d update my loyal readers on my progress toward my 5K. I began the training regiment for week 7 today with a slight alteration; I am actually now running 28 minutes, 3x/wk, which equates to two miles for me. I am running a slow 14 minute mile, but I am running so that is how I am looking at it. I’m not interested in racing, just finishing! I did not think I would even get to this point, but I am very impressed with myself that I can now say I have run two miles without stopping–I’ve never done that before. I am over the halfway running point for a 5K and I have almost four more weeks to work in the extra mile.

As for school, the new year has begun. I have a nice group of students again this year, they are working on coming together as a team and getting along. We have a way to go, but they are doing a good job to begin. My first graders are incredibly smart and my second graders are also doing very well academically; once we gel as a group, they will be a fun group to teach and watch learn!

Well, devout readers, I am on a new quest…running a 5k. I told myself that one of my resolutions for this year would be to train and run a 5k run. I have finally exhausted my fertility schedule and can now begin to train to run in a 5k race. As a GVSU alum, I chose to run in Grand Valley’s Homecoming 5k race on October 17, 2009. I paid my money and was the first to register for the event (how do I know this? Oh yeah, Ben’s office wrote the app and I was the test case!)–do I sound committed?

To get prepped for the event, I googled couch to 5k and came across Suz. Suz created podcasts for a full nine week training schedule that you can download free to your iPod. Each week, she used different music and recorded prompts over the tunes to tell you when it’s time to walk and run. You build up gradually over 9 weeks to running an entire 5k. I am almost done with the Week 2 schedule and I have discovered muscles I did not know I had! It has been a good workout and I have not struggled as I thought I might–I feel good thus far.

I will keep you updated with my progress, especially once school gets going and I need to juggle life, working, and this training. I am most concerned with an injury that might sideline my quest to finally fulfill a new year’s resolution–it seems most people I know begin to have injuries once they begin a running regiment. I am optimistic and careful when I run, but anyone who knows me knows that if it can happen to anyone…it’s me!

Well, the inevitable happened. Ben and I decided we needed to lose weight, and here I am, on day 7 or so and I am craving sugar like nobody’s business. I feel like one of the individuals being chronicled on Intervention. I swear if I thought I could stick my fingers down my throat and force myself to throw up, I’d eat an entire bag of Oreos right now. I’m not implying that Bulimia is a joke–it’s not–I can understand the want for that kind of sugar pumping through my sugar-deprived veins.

Ben is such a champ about all this, he gets excited talking about his broccoli soup and Special K with blueberries. I would just rather not talk about food at all since I am not able to eat the things I really enjoy, I just shovel in the stuff I should be eating while secretly hoping an Arnie’s chocolate swirl cake rolled in chocolate sprinkles will just land on my counter, calorie-free of course! Ben believes my lack of sweets makes me “feisty”. Sometimes it just makes me crabby, but I know I need to do it and live a healthier lifestyle. I just wish it included pasta and a cookie once in a while. C’est la vie!

As I mentioned previously, Ben and I bought four acres of land recently in a rural area outside of Grand Rapids.  While we are not planning to build soon due to the poor housing market, we have begun to do a bit of research and see what is “out there” as far as house plans, builders, etc.  A good friend is a Realtor and has suggested a local builder, so we are planning to go see one of their properties this weekend (open house) along with another suggested builder, who coincidentally also has an open house this weekend.

On Monday night, we went to the Macaroni Grill for Ben’s birthday.  They have the butcher paper tablecloths covering the tables, and needless to say, Ben and I began sketching our respective dream homes on the tablecloth.  We made lists of our wants, needs, and the like.  Then, we came home and I began to explore the internet…famous last words, eh?

Found my dream house, folks!  It’s pie in the sky, I realize, especially without having kids to fill 4 bedrooms…but here is a link if you are interested….

http://www.homeplans.com/exec/action/plans/browsemode/details/filter/plnid.27919/hspos/hsnet/page/1/planid/27919/section/homeplans

Long live the Blaine!

It’s been awhile since I’ve really posted anything of significance on this site, so here is what I’ve been up to lately…

• We bought land!  We close on it Monday afternoon and we are very excited.  We’ve had our eyes on this land for over two years and we had thought it was off the market, but it returned at a much lower price, so we nabbed it!  It is four acres outside the city of Ada (suburb of Grand Rapids) and is in a very good school district, given we end up with kids someday.  We have now taken to riding around neighborhoods and commenting on what we like/dislike about houses.  I drew a master plan for our house tonight at Macaroni Grill; it’s pretty funny.
• I am taking graduate classes through the mail.  The company is called Learner’s Edge and it is much less complicated than attending a university, especially since the work load is lighter and I don’t actually ever have to attend a class–it is self-guided and I do it at my pace.  Good stuff!
• Ben found and helped his mom purchase a house in Grand Rapids.  While she is travel nursing, his sister Marie is living in the house with friends and Toby.  Yes, Toby has been returned to his rightful owner, and Rapinland is a little less hairy–literally and figuratively!

That’s the full updated list as I have it.  It has not been a tremendously eventful summer, but ah, the summer is still young!