Along Came Holly…

I spent last night and part of today watching my sister-in-law play in a slow-pitch softball tournament in Grand Rapids.  The tourney was double elimination and they were undefeated in their league prior to play Friday night.  Needless to say, they only played three games before being eliminated.  I wish I was a talented athlete like her–it’s fun to watch everyone work as a team and all the camaraderie, etc.  I have no talent, however–I’d be the one everyone would be like, “Holly wants to be on our team…how do we tell her no?”

I am addicted to documentary TV.  I watched a show today about a girl who had massive endometriosis and went on to have double identical twins and a son.  I also began to watch a special about two lesbians who got pregnant at the same time with twins, so they were having biological quadruplets, being carried in two women.  I didn’t finish that one; I can’t say that I was bitter, per se, but these women were 38 and 42 and they were having four kids.  I am 30 and would take just one child–I’d like two, but I’d settle for one.  I think the first woman having the double identicals said it best–we have found ways to cure all kinds of diseases yet there is no way to guarantee wanting women with their own child.

Oh, and then there’s the special on crank (meth) that is featuring a 19 year old girl who is 6 months pregnant and the baby’s daddy is an addict in denial.  He insists he’s not addicted and she insists that she will kick him out once the baby is born because she ain’t having her baby taken away because drugs are in the house.  She also drag-races and smokes like a chimney.  We’ll see how things work out for her.  Unbelievable.

Well, the verdict is in.   I went and had my blood drawn today for a pregnancy test and the test was negative.  In other words, I am not pregnant and the IVF was not a success.  I am bummed, of course, but I can’t say I haven’t received this call before.  I suspected this result, anyway–I woke up yesterday with a MONSTER migraine which tends to precede my period each month, so I definitely had my suspicions.  Thank you to everyone who wished us well and kept us in their prayers. 

We don’t have a plan how to proceed from here; we meet with our doctor in a week and a half for a more specific meeting regarding the cycle and he will possibly give us some more insight.  I suspect given the high quality of the embryos we used and the number of embryos that made it successfully to the fifth day,  we produce viable embryos but my body is not a quality host.  It is difficult to accept that I may never have the opportunity to experience a full-term pregnancy, but I have had many dreams fade away through this process, so this is just another one of those that I will file away.  I know you don’t actually have to give birth to be a mother, it was just something I always thought I’d experience.

While today was a sad one, I decided I wanted to end this entry on a funny note.  I saw this commercial about 2 weeks ago, and then again last night, and it just made me laugh so hard I thought maybe my fellow readers would appreciate it, too!

Well, I plugged away through the year 1982 in my Reagan Diaries Monday night.  I could not sleep, so I decided to get wrapped up in the world circa Ronnie 1982 until 2am.  It’s amazing to me how much things have changed, and yet how much they’re still the same.  There was significant unrest in the Middle East, the economy was in utter turmoil, and the president and congress could not see eye-to-eye.  Yet, one of his entries remarked how the stock market had finally got above 1,000 points and was really pleased one day when it rose 20 points in a day, that that was really something 25 years ago.  Amazing to me, no wonder our parents and grandparents tell us to review our past as the key to the future!  I am amazed at the education that I’ve already gotten, and I’m only 1/4 of the way through his administration.  What is most remarkable to me was his love for his wife; anytime she goes away, he remarks how lonely he is without her.  It’s nice to read about real true love.

I finished the rough draft of my graduate research project and met with my advisor/professor Tuesday afternoon.  It sounds like my project is right on track; in fact, she emphasized how informal this piece can be and told a few of us (it was a small group meeting) that we were trying to make it more complicated than it had to be.  Sounds like I’ll be 4.0 my master’s degree…yeah, baby!

Well, I spent the weekend relaxing in my hometown where both Ben and I are from, so I ended up seeing both sides of the family.  I spent Saturday resting and watching TV with my dad; I also began reading a book my mom loaned me called The Reagan Diaries.  It contains all of the diary entries Ronald Reagan made while he was president over his 8 years; he is the only president in history that has ever kept such a complete diary.  There is an entry for every day!  The editor abbreviated much of the content, but it is well done and very interesting.  I read all through 1981 and began 1982.  It’s not like reading a novel, plus I really have to keep track of who he is talking about–many of the people mentioned are world leaders from the early 80s that I’m not entirely familiar with because I was a small child.   Mom made a homemade cherry pie for the first time, it was so pretty it belongs on the cover of a magazine!  It was very tasty, too, and I am not really all about cherries.  So, Mom, I don’t publish much, but I did put your pie on my site!

On Sunday, I went to Ben’s mom’s house with my parents.  She keeps an acre garden that is full of everything and anything you could want!  It’s kind-of like going to an exclusive farmer’s market every time we return to our homeland.  I walked away with 6 zucchini (2 very large, 4 small), leaf lettuce, green beans, cauliflower, and several chickens (they were not in the garden, of course!).  My mom took home much of the same plus some blueberries.  My mom and I spent some time cleaning things for consumption before I departed back to our house.  Ben used his smoker last night for the first time and made a pork roast that was very tasty, accompanied by fresh vegetables, of course!

Well, the egg transfer happened.  They transferred 2 blastocysts, the doctor (not showtunes) said they were very high quality embryos.  They rate embryos on a scale from 1-4, 1 being the perfect utopic embryo, 4 being the least desirable.  Both of those transferred were rated 2+; we had 5-6 blastocysts remaining that were cryopreserved.  While they did not tell us the grade of those frozen, we will find that out later when we meet with the doctor; they always use the best of the best at the first transfer.

I still feel pretty crappy.  My doctor told me during the procedure that both of my ovaries are extremely enlarged and are putting pressure on my other organs, so that is why I feel bloated and uncomfortable.  He also told me that there is often extra fluid that leaks around my abdominal cavity and that it will take awhile to disipate.  In other words, put on my big girl panties and deal.

The procedure itself was pretty amazing this time, we could actually watch the embryos enter into my uterus on the ultrasound machine.  That was a new experience, always something new to learn!  I’ll be on bedrest for the rest of today and all of tomorrow, so I’m hoping I’ll feel better on Friday.

Ben asked me why I hadn’t updated the blog with the latest and greatest in our fertility journey.  So here’s the “skinny” (although I’m hardly feeling skinny)…

On Friday, a doctor Ben affectionately calls “Showtunes”, retrieved 19 eggs from my ovaries.  Of the 19, 5 were not able to be fertilized for a variety of reasons, so of the 14 available, 10 fertilized and became embryos.   9 of the 10 embryos survived the weekend, we will find out how many blastocysts (Day 5 embryos) we have tomorrow morning when I go for the embryo transfer (ET).   Ben thinks they’ll want to transfer 3, I think 2.  Statistically, individuals doing a blastocyst transfer generally transfer less embryos because these embryos have lived the longest outside the natural female environment and therefore are considered the most likely to develop into a baby.

We have never done a blastocyst transfer–technically, it is the same as a Day 2 or 3 transfer.  However, I do not remember being as uncomfortable and sore as I currently am.  There is some sort of syndrome that women can develop called Ovarian HyperStimulation Syndrome (OHSS).  I remember worrying in past cycles that I could have it, but the symptoms always went away.  I’m not sure if I just pushed myself too much the past two days (going to a friend’s house by the beach yesterday, doing chores and walking the hyper superBeagle today) and didn’t heal/rest enough or if I could actually have this OHSS since I’ve never had this many eggs retrieved before.  There’s also the possibility that I am LOSING IT from the high doses of medicine I have been taking without any embryos to soak them up.  We’ll see tomorrow–

Thanks to everyone for all the support!

Can you believe these are my flowers now?  I originally posted a picture of these a month ago under the heading “Weekend Warrior” when I hauled out the rock garden and planted the spreading petunias.  Even Ben, who rarely admires flowers, commented yesterday how great they looked.  I am overly pleased with myself, especially since most plants I touch die immediately.  I have very few visions when it comes to landscaping, but this one was a good one and I’m glad I acted on it!

P.S.  The gutter guy that mucked up my yard is coming back tomorrow to put on the new gutters.  Hallelujah!

Well, I am offically in the throws of fertility.  For those of you who may not know, Ben and I have tried to have children for several years to no avail.  We are currently living through round 3 of IVF, and it is coming to my least favorite part of the whole process, egg retrieval.  This is when they give me good drugs and assault my ovaries with a very long needle to dig out my eggs.  The actual procedure is not something I ever remember, but the resulting pain in my abdomen is noted.  So is the feeling I have right now, carrying around all the eggs that fertility med’s have helped grow.  As the post implied, space is at a premium.  I know many women have pain when they ovulate each month, and I do sympathize because I sometimes do have ovulation pain, but ovulating with 18 eggs is a WHOLE new ballgame. 

Tonight, Ben must give me a shot that triggers my body to release the eggs and the egg retrieval is Friday morming.  The eggs with be fertilized in the lab and put back into my uterus next Wednesday.  It will be an interesting cycle because Ben and I have never waited that many days before the eggs are put back; additionally, I was diagnosed this past spring with a blood clotting disorder called MTHFR, which requires that I give myself daily shots beginning after the retrieval to thin my blood to prevent clotting. 

I will try to keep updates on how things are going as the days pass and we get through the medical stuff!

Our little piece of earth got over 5 inches of rain yesterday in 8 hours worth of time. Our little piece of earth has a seemingly calm–almost quaint–creek that darts through the backyard on the outer edges of our property.

Several years ago, the creek became clogged a few homes down due to a clogged culvert. The backflow came right into our yard, and oh yes, our completely finished basement. It was a nightmare beyond nightmares, it resembled what everyone has seen on the nightly news when homes flood along the Mississippi River. People crying, standing water, items floating along in the basement–utter and total disaster. Talk about feeling hopeless and defenseless! The city took care of the clogged culvert, so even when it rains heavily, the creek fills quickly with water, but it moves at a very swift pace and that has always given Ben and I comfort. We finally felt like our house was free of flooding again.

Then our little piece of Earth got 5 inches of water in 8 hours time. The demise of our basement once again seemed eminent. First, the creek overtook the land on the other side of the creek, including our new bushes and salsa garden. The creek was now approximately 12′ wide. It kept raining, and pretty soon the creek grew to encompass the banks all along the creek on our side of the creek; I’m guessing 18′ wide. Then we got a REALLY good thunderstorm and around dusk, the creek was at least 22′ wide. Ben and I began moving things in the basement–getting as much up off the floor as we could, deciding what could be stacked where and deciding what would have to be sacrificed. Around 10pm, we checked the creek again. Surprise! 30 feet wide, and approximately 15′ from our sliding door. Given the high volume of fertility drugs coursing through my veins, naturally I bawled. Ben was the good husband, comforting and kind, gently reminding me there was nothing we could do. We took a video of the basement at it’s last state of intactness, turned off the lights, took the animals, and went upstairs. There was nothing else we could do but wait for the water.

Thank goodness, someone turned off the water and the Arc did not sail through our backyard! Our house did not flood–the water receded, and what was left of our yard, bushes, and salsa garden are visible by viewing Ben’s blog.

Our little piece of Earth is worse for the wear, but our home is intact and I am so grateful. My heart truly goes out to those in Iowa, Missouri, and Illinois and the flooding they’ve experienced. It’s been several years since I experienced that heartache, but our little piece of Earth reminded me last night that Mother Nature is a force to be reckoned with.

I am not a real believer in age being some significant mark on your life.  However, 30 has pulled a doozy on me.  30 brought heartburn, a sudden surge of acne, and now…right in time for the Fourth of July, Poison Ivy.  Yes, folks, my apparent immunity to this pesky little plant has faded along with my 20’s. 

I have poison frickin’ ivy. 

It is not fun; except for the chicken pox, I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to crawl out of my skin quite this badly.  I know that I have a very mild case, so I should consider myself lucky.  I had several different doctor appointments today, all for a variety of reasons, but I heard stories of roaring cases of poison ivy from both the nurse at the fertility dr and my chiropractor.  I guess I got out lucky.  I went to my general doctor and he gave me a megashot of depa-something and some sort of prescription cream that will stop the spread and itchiness.   God bless modern medicine.  What did they do in the 1800’s?

I attached pic’s of my poison ivy.  They are of my left inner arm, back of my right leg, and behind my left ankle respectively.  If you want to really see some impressive poison ivy, or just want to know more to be more informed than I was, check out Poison Ivy Facts, Pic’s, and Quizzes. 

P.S.  I also have NO IDEA how I got it.  Seriously–I cannot recall when I would have been exposed!